Radical hilarity

Conversation starters from the book: Smooth Talking: (For Guys) 500+ Useful Examples That'll Help You Start Conversations & Reply To Questions, Insults, & Many Other Things! (Smooth Talking (For Guys)).

Excerpts from the chapter 'How smooth talkers start great conversations'. As these are complicated and intricate, even delicate, examples of human interaction I take it upon myself to dissect and make apparent the underlying communication. The 'translations' are in red.

I must warn you however, do not attempt to repeat these conversation starters lightly. On the website Amazon, a Mr. Honesty remarks that to succeed at deploying these conversation starters one must be 'radically funny'

#1

Her: (Walking on the street)

You: (Walk up to her) Hey! I was about to go (wherever you were going) but you caught my eye.

You: (Chasing her) Hey! I was going somewhere but then I thought; maybe I can have sex with this woman so... here I am! 

Her: Ha-ha!

Her: Ha-ha?

You: I don't usually do this. Has any guy ever walked up to you like this?

You: I don't want you to think that I'm some kind of weirdo who's always talking to strangers but, just out of curiosity, has anyone else ever done this?

Her: Yes/No

Her: Yes/No/Go away

You: (If she says 'Yes') Not surprised. How'd it go? / (If she says 'No') Well I guess you got lucky today. You like coffee? (You can take it from here guys...)

You: ('Yes') I knew it! Did you have sex with him? / ('No') Well goddamn you are in luck because I am going to show you a whole new world of disappointment! Let's go and break down your self confidence over some coffee.

#5

Her: (Is alone / not talking)

Her: (Separated from the herd)

You: You look lonely.

You: You look vulnerable

Her: I'm (whatever she's doing)

Her: I'm chillin' like a villan.

You:  How many days could you last in solitary confinement?

You: Ok, whatever. How many days could you last in solitary confinement?

Her: Ha-ha, maybe a lot.

Her: ...uhm, a while?

You: (Nod your head) How would you do it? (Smirk)

You: (Nod your head and mutter 'yes, yes, I thought so) Hypothetically, if someone were to kidnap you and lock you in a room and leave you there, with bread and water, how long would it take for you to go crazy? (Now smile so she doesn't think you're creepy)

#22

Her: (With another friend)

Her: (Busy)

You: So... how do you guys know each other?

You: Hey! Hey! Pay attention to me! Hey! Over here! I want to have sex with (either one of) you!

#11

You: So how do you pass the time?

Her: I draw a lot.

You: Like people sketches?

Her: Yeah, portraits of people.

You: (Come in closer as if you're about to share a secret) Naked portraits?

You: (Lean in and giggle - 'hue hue hue') Naked portraits?

Honestly, I recommend reading the rest of the chapter in the Amazon free preview, they are hilarious in their banal misogyny.  

Persons

 It may seem crass to ask, but why do people matter? Is a person valuable in and of herself or is she only valuable as long as she is useful?

Today I went to an exhibition at the Reykjavík Museum of Photography, see here. The exhibition was a series of 21 photographs of people with Downs-syndrome, all kinds of people set against a beautiful background. Although it was the people that really shone. The artist, Sigga Ella, was inspired to begin this project after hearing a discussion on the ethics of aborting a foetus once it becomes clear that there is something 'wrong'. For example, Downs-syndrome.

The pictures I saw today were beautiful, truly. There was a great breadth and depth of people shown. When you look at people that are dissimilar to the extent that you feel no compassion, 'why do they matter?', try thinking instead 'Who am I? Why do I matter?'

Well, why do you matter?
Is it maybe because you care about yourself? Because you care about others and others care about you? Is it because you do something important? But important to whom?

Lots of questions, so many...
If you matter, why doesn't someone else matter?