The 5 things I look for in women, apparently

So there is an article here (in icelandic though) that claims there are 5 traits that most men look for in women. This is according to studies that must be of such high standing that the author of the article in question hasn't even bothered to tell us which studies.

Now, obviously this is big news for all you ladies that have a hard time getting men to stick around (why else would you be single?) because finally you can set yourself some clear, achievable goals and mould yourself into what idiots think men should want.

Sorry cat, we still haven't figured out what men look for in kitties.

Without further ado I will list here the 5 most sought after traits:

1) Independent

Wow, not a bad start. Let's look at how they describe 'independence':

(translated) 'It's important for women to be independent but still be able to seek help from men once in a while to give the impression that they need help' 

Ok, I think I understand this... I want someone independent enough to figure out how to use the oven, but not able to open jars... yes?

2) Fun

Sound thinking in this next one. Since men are really childish by nature (true) they look for a women who can hang, you know, be chill, one of the bro's (with tits). A fun women should be able to play video games and follow sports because a fun woman is not a woman with her own interests but a woman who entertains men (but not too many men). Also, she 'shouldn't take herself too seriously'.

3) Positive

'The most undesirable women are those that possess a propensity towards drama, unnecessary trouble and chattering or those that constantly find things to complain about'.

At this point it becomes apparent that this article is written by a middle aged man going through a bitter divorce... except it's actually written by a woman.

Anyway, it doesn't matter since it is fairly obvious that women never have anything legitimate to complain about anyway, men are perfect and all they ask for is 'someone easy to be around when they come home from a hard days work'.

Aww...

4) 'Women that wear red'

so... according to a study from the University of Rochester men are willing to spend more on women that wear red... because it's sexy... so... bad news for your wedding day?

I can't even...

5) Gentle

'Now ladies, I know you may feel pressure to put up a 'mask' and act all 'tough' when you meet a man for the first time and that is cute but studies show that men want a woman who is gentle and kind' so just chill and speak when spoken too.

The most depressing part is that pretty much all I added was the sarcastic tone...